Friday, January 15, 2010

I am lost

I have been having a hard time finding God.
I've been praying and waiting and doing a lot of crying.
It's been a bad time. The year anniversary of Tuesday's death is coming up and another little child I know with cancer is dying and spending the her last days with her family right now.
I am just struggling to understand God's plan.
Why these things happen.
I have been praying on it, hoping God will give me comfort. Hoping to find some answer. Any answer.
But, instead, I am lost.
My own life isn't in order these days either and I am certain it's why I am having trouble finding peace. I just don't know what else to do besides pray and ask for your prayers.
My kids need me to be here for them and I can't unless I am really here for the Lord.
Please pray for me. I want to give God the glory again, without question and with full faith and right now, I am lost and need to be found.


Renee said...

Dear Sweet Friend
I think it takes great courage to be so honest. We have all been where you are now. There are times in our lives where we do feel lost and wonder where God is in the midst of such suffering and pain. Especially regarding children.
My husband is a pastor, and over our 41 years together we have seen or experienced trials and grief that has at times had us questioning God's plans. What I would say to you is this. You will not always understand God's plans. If we did, we would be God. It is in these times where we just hang on and trust that even within the death of sweet children somehow God is working things out for good. We live in a broken world with broken people...and that is why bad things happen to good people. Why doesn't God intervene more often and heal his little ones? I don't know. So I focus on what I DO know. God loves us. He sent His son to die for us. He is with us in EVERY trial, and we can trust Him.
Proverbs 3:5,6 says it well
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths staight."
When you feel lost, remember too that we cannot always rely on our feelings. They are unpredictable.

I hope this is of some help to you. You are in my prayers.

Michelle Riggs said...

I am so sorry you are hurting today. Thank you for caring about children and for praying for kids who are sick. You have been a blessing to so many.

Michelle Riggs said...

I am so sorry you are hurting today. Thank you for caring about children and for praying for kids who are sick. You have been a blessing to so many.

Trudy said...

Praying for you. As Renee said, we all have these valleys and times where we question God or just don't feel his presence at all. From my own experience, I have always come away from them with an even stronger faith, even if I didn't gain the understanding I so desperately sought. Just know that He is there and know that He will work all for His good, even this tragedy in Haiti.

Praying that God sees you through this time soon!

mommytoalot said...

Hey Debi..
Sorry you are going through such a tough time. I am lost as well..hence my absence from this blog. I can't see to feel HIM these days..
However, still I pray..and I shall keep you and yours in my prayers as well

Genny said...

Your vulnerability is beautiful. I pray that you find peace in His amazing love!

following your blog,

Chris said...

I had a search through scripture recently, and found John chapters 16 to 20 very significant. Maybe they will help find you too?

The remarkable thing that struck me this time I read those chapters, was how Jesus told his disciples it was important he leave to be with the father. Even if they couldn't bare the thought of that, or even understand what it was he was saying. Nevertheless, Jesus said, I tell you the truth.

I was looking for my own self recently, and somehow reading those chapters brought me to a place of peace. Knowing that Jesus had to go to bring about a greater thing - the Comforter, made me realise I wasn't as far from God as it first seemed.

Jesus left for a purpose.

Perhaps Tuesday's place above all places on heaven and earth - is beside the father too, resting in Jesus now.

We can sometimes forget that in this world of absences and tangible things we cannot hold, that we are not alone. Those who leave us can be found again, resting in Jesus. Not just resting, but loving and being loved beyond all measure.

The Comforter brings us closer to them. Jesus laid down his life so that we would never have to be separated from the ones we love again.

I believe we are found when we realise Jesus spoke the truth. His love endures all things - he will keep Tuesday safe and bring you closer to them. For it is God's will, that you will be found even in the darkest of places.

My prayers go out to you, believing not one day you are separated from God's love. Even as Tuesday will endure in it forever more.

Deb said...

My first visit to your sorry that you're feeling lost.

And are hurting.

It's good to be honest.

He can handle it.

He handled the cross.

Sweet dreams.

Andrea said...

Thank you for your honesty. Praying for you. Sitka and I have an award for you at All Gods Creatures.
Blessings, andrea

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Just stopping by to thank you for visiting me on my SITS day and leaving me some blog love! Everyone was so sweet and I really enjoyed the day!


西雅圖 said...


Dawn said...

Praying for you.
Thank you for coming to my blog and sharing your kind words when obviously you,yourself, are hurting.

Jennifer @ Conversion Diary said...

I know I'm way late on this, but I just wanted to leave you a comment to let you know that you're in my prayers. I converted to Christianity from atheism (was actually raised in an atheist family); without any background of faith, I frequently experience these dry spells where I "feel" nothing of God's presence, even though I know he's there.

Anyway, all that is to say that I just wanted to let you know that I'll be praying for you.

Jackie said...

Stumbled upon your blog, dear Sister and want you to know that I'm praying for you and following along now.

He is Faithful!

Sweet Blessings!


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