Tuesday, December 9, 2008

He Hears Your Cry

I must say I am honoured to be apart of such an inspirational blog. I too am very similar to Debi, in that I didn't talk about my faith , I just have faith. Yes, there are times where I have walked away, angry with God. Still I knew I must believe, I am angry at Him after all. So therefore He must exist. Born and raised a Catholic, I married a Catholic man, had a Catholic wedding and raised my children catholic. Now, I must admit I was one of those catholic that only went to church on special occasions. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't feel like I belonged. I felt like an outsider. I didn't feel accepted. I remember feeling that way even when I was a child. It was lent and my sister and I had collected money for the needy. So we went to church without our parents on Palm Sunday to hand in our money and to attend mass. The church was packed and there was no place to sit. Not one grown up got up and offered us a seat. I don't even think a grown up had even acknowledged us. I left feeling sad and lonely, and I cried on the way home. I knew that was not what Jesus would want. I didn't' give up. I volunteered in the nursery and attended the early mass when I was a youth and still didn't get that feeling that I belonged.
I went to the very same church my parents had me baptized at and yet I felt no connection. I got married in that church and had my own babies baptized there. I felt like there must be something wrong with me. I mean, how can so many people be at the church and only I have issues. I began bringing my foster children to church. During Advent , I had dropped one little guy off at the children's liturgy, when it was time for the children to come down to be with their parents, I couldn't' get to him in time, as the pews were packed shoulder to shoulder with people and I did not want to crawl over them. So he sat with the volunteers until after communion. When I went to get him , he was quite upset, but was very happy to see me. I apologized profusely to the woman with whom he was sitting with but she snarled at me and was quite rude. I left the service upset and confused. My faith was faltering. I could feel it, and yet I felt there was nothing I could do. I became with drawn from the church for awhile again. I spoke with the priest about this lady's rudeness and he was extremely apologetic. I still stayed away. But as always, I felt God's tug , and went again. This time with new children in tow. Now I totally understand that mass is meant to be heard, and I realize how disrupting it can be when children misbehave. I am always on top of my children and when they get antsy I do bring them into the "cry room". Well one particular Sunday, Joey was not misbehaving. He was playing with a car, but I didn't feel he was overly loud or disruptive, however an usher kept giving me the look. He finally told me to take Joey out in the back room. He then followed us in and called him a bad boy. I was furious! How could he be so rude. I stayed for the rest of the service and cried . A woman usher who had observed came over to us and apologized for the gentleman and used the excuse , he was old school. This time I stayed away from the church even longer. I did have both of my foster children baptized there , but did not attend mass on a regular basis, again becoming one of those catholics. I felt unfilled spiritually. I prayed in the privacy of my home and still as always had my faith. However I was feeling very upset with the Lord. I picked up my book, One Minute Promises of Comfort, and came to a passage that just hit home.
This is what it said: He Hears Your Cry
Because God is the living God, he can hear;
because God is a loving God, he will hear;
because he is our covenant God,
He has bound himself to hear.
because he is a loving God, He will hear;
Well that really made sense to me. How can I possibly give up on Him. He has been listening to me all along. Why else was I still being pulled to Him. Why? Because he heard me cry.


BoufMom9 said...

I have been there and back. I understand completely how you were feeling.
We actually ended up changing churches and found one that was much more progressive and we felt more welcome.
I am not sure that is what you are looking for, but have faith, God will lead you where you are meant to be.

mommytoalot said...

I actually have been going to a United church. I did a post about it on my blog. I just have to deal with feeling guilty for not attending a catholic church.

Renata said...

I think it's so sad that the churches aren't more welcoming. I know plenty of people who have been hurt by the church - unfortunately because the church is the representative of God in the community. If I were you, I would try another church - these days people aren't so picky about denomination. Thanks for sharing!


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